Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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