He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
