is your mom at the bar?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
