Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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