didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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