for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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