the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
