he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So squirting runs in the family.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I FOUND THE LEGS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
