i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
