Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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