dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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