dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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