You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
