You're completely useless in the revolution.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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