so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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