The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
