yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize