More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
