Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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