even my farts smell like vagina
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
