Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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