I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
