you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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