Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
