One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
is wine microwaveable?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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