how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
