Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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