Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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