Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dick very happy bro
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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