Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so explain again why im purple
no
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
