He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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