Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
