you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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