he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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