Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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