You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
foreskin is a definite game changer
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize