I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I could make wine with my vomit
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Randomize
