I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
