Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
