I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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