Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drake has all the answers
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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