I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
