Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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