i already hear my dad disowning me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize