her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
