One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
