how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
