I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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