I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My feet surprised me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
