Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
