How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
