a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
