screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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