all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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