If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
