Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
