i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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