I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
