I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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