I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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