I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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