i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He passed out mid-signature
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
