She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
