im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
