Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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