This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Your cock deserves a montage
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
