I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
