six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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