I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
