She said her name was "party"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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