When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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