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you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
