My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
