I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
