you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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