why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize