Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
