I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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