YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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