just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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