I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
