I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize