We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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