just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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