so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize