just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
