she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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