Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
