so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
