i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
