Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize