everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish you could order shots online.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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