In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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