need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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