me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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