You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
