even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
