did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
