someone threw a dead crab at me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
