This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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