Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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