From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
