Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude i'm inner monologue high
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
only you would photoshop your dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
