In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
