yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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