I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
