Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Still dying that you shit outside
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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