Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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