you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
