tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I understand Curling. That high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
