is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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