I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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