two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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