And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
